Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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