Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize