goodnight i made you a song goodbye
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
