oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
