You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
