At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
