You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
In America we eat man semen.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
