The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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