as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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