dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
