I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
