if only i could text you this smell
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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