I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
