why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
