I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
