fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
