Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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