I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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