my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's never too late to be topless.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
