She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
