I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
