All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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