She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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