One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
