Will you blow on my dice?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
