You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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