The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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