some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
