Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize