so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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