Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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