Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
