He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
