And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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