did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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