If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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