I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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