this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
