It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
