So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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