So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
