Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
