I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
