Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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