i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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