I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
