I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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