Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
