I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize