Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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