i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
