I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
