I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
