don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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