...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
im on a boat
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