i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
