You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
