btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just found puke in my bra..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
