Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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