Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
