The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
