Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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