and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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