just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
