I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
