hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So drunk its hurt
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
