I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
