you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So vagazzling was a success
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
