Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
