I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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